7 skref til betra Sjálfstrausts

Seven steps to greater self-confidence

Wed, 11/14/2007 - 10:37 — Shane Magee

Lack of confidence is something which plagues us all at some time or another. Often, our confidence is eroded as we pass through adolescence and early adulthood, as we get experiences of failure which convince us we are not capable of doing something. Here are some common causes for lack of self-confidence and their suggested remedies:

1. Trying to meet expectations imposed from other people can be a big drainer of self-confidence. Seeking other people's approval can be a never ending process, as there is always the feeling of insecurity that you have not done enough. In addition, the other people you are trying to please are quite often aware of this, and can consciously or unconsciously use your lack of self-confidence to turn your relationship with them to their advantage. Instead of letting external opinion affect us internally, we should try to do things the other way around - in other words, get in touch with what you really want, and then let affect this inner feeling your outer life. Take some time and reflect on what your soul truly needs, and then take steps to make this aspiration a reality.
2. Focus on your strengths. We sometimes get a subtle kind of self-pitying joy out of portraying ourselves as the worst person ever. Often we are able to list a whole string of weaknesses we have, but we will hesitate to name three good qualities! Use your sincerity. See yourself in a balanced way, acknowledging your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Recognise the skills and talents you do possess, and then live in such a way as to bring them to the fore. In any game or sport, a player or team will always play in such a way as to maximise their strengths; so it is in the game of life too.
3. When faced with an upcoming barrier, try to stop your mind from feeding you all kinds of failure scenarios. Human beings seem to have this endless capacity for imagining the worst case scenario in any given situation, which is pointless as it invariably never happens! Try to shut these thoughts out and only think about the immediate next steps you have to carry out.
4. Failure can rock our self-confidence to the foundations, especially if it was a very public failure. In the West, failure is something to be avoided at all costs. In contrast, the Eastern view looks upon failure as an experience, and a building-block for your ultimate success. Regardless of what view you take, the important thing is never to give up. "Failure is not falling down", writes the poet Sri Chinmoy, "failure is desiring to live where I have fallen."
5. If you are suffering from a sudden loss of confidence, it can help enormously if you can remember a time when you were on top of your game, and try to evoke how you felt then, how energized you were. Bring out any diaries or photographs you have of that time - just looking at them will fill you with the energy and enthusiasm you felt at that time.
6. Be like a child. For children the whole world is an opportunity, and music, sport, art are just things to be explored and discovered, rather than things you have to be any good at. Children have boundless energy, mainly because they don't waste so much time on negative thinking! Try to recall how you too once were like this - this helps you to feel that your lack of confidence is not a permanent condition and that you can regain some of that childlike spontaneity and self-belief.
7. Often all we need is a little inspiration. The chances are that someone has faced the same problem as you before, overcame it, and became very famous by writing a book about it! Reading inspiring stories and accounts written by others is one of the surest ways to gain that zest and confidence you need to tackle life's obstacles. All of the great inspiring figures of the twentieth century - Gandhi or Nelson Mandela, for example - had to overcome tremendous challenges not only from without, but also from within. Their accounts of facing adversity have a very human touch which you can definitely apply to your own situation.